I can remember that I always got very memorable gifts as a kid. Usually the gift-giving occasions were birthdays and Christmas. I also got gifts when my parents set targets for me and I surpassed them. My dad, particularly, had a way around that. He makes you want to do more because he will always keep to his word to make it up to you. Asides those, other times were more or less normal. For me they were great memories as my parents didn’t waste time to show me how special I am at those times. I still have one of those gifts and although I am not using it because technology has overtaken it, I still appreciate and respect the act behind the gift. Giving gifts to children can provide foundation for great memories. I certainly have those fond memories intact even though some of them are over 2 decades ago. Love is best expressed when one gives something. I am sure we know that.

As good as this might sound, giving gifts to kids can become an opportunity to grab more and more things, thus creating a materialistic hunger in our children. This can become something very difficult to turn back from once it’s unleashed. Materialism is something we need to guide against as we train our kids. We should not indulge them. Educating our children is the first step to helping them break free from any mindset you want to guide against. As parents it is our duty to prepare them for how the world really works. In the real world, you don’t always get what you want. One can only deal better with that as an adult if one experienced it as a child. Don’t leave this part of your children’s life to chances.

In order to effectively give gifts, you might have to consider the following points:

• Define what taking care of your children means. You don’t have to buy something tangible to create a bond. All a child needs sometimes is for you to spend some time with them. Be careful that you aren’t teaching them that emotions can be healed by a trip to the shopping mall. Don’t let material goods be the basis of your parent/child relationship. It might make them end up not having a chance to experience unconditional love.

• Don’t let guilt get in your way of parenting your child. Your job as a parent is to prepare your child to succeed in school and when they get out into the world. Don’t teach them they will get everything through manipulation, sulking, crying and guilt induction. The world does not work like that. Negative emotions usually dispel good things and the earlier they know that the better for them.

• Make sure your children aren’t defining their happiness and their status in the world as a function of what they wear, have or drive. Sit down with them and have a one-on-one conversation about what really defines their worth – their intelligence, their creativity, their caring, their giving, their work ethic, etc. If you spend quality time talking to them about what really matters you will be able to correct the countless images they see telling them otherwise.

• Your child does not have to love you every minute of every day. He or she will get over the disappointment of being told “no, but he won’t ever get over the effects of being spoiled.

• Help your child know the difference between essential and non-essential motivation. If your child always gets money, toys or privileges when he does the task well, he or she might not learn how to motivate themselves with internal rewards like pride in one’s ability. They also will never learn to value things because there are so many things and nothing is special.

How has giving gifts been with your child? Any tips you want to share?

– Gbonjubola Sanni